"I loved it and it's disgusting"
Here I am. Reviving the dying genre of James Piper’s Cinema Reviews.
I am sat at my glass dining room table. All windows open wide. All loose objects flapping in the September breeze that periodically powers through the flat. I’ve made myself a coffee even though it’s 4 minutes past 5. I’m not myself. I feel unusual. I can’t eat my chocolate digestives because I’m still stuck with the repulsive images I witnessed in the last two hours. OK that’s a lie I’ve just had a bit of biscuit.
I’ve always been intrigued (and envious) when people say films have changed them. I want to feel like that! Why can’t I feel like that?!? Well I have now and it’s horrible.
Today I finished work early. I was recording a choir with Marvin and it took no time at all. One track, bam. Out. A quick scout for an afternoon film and helloooooooo; Crimes Of The Future. Finchley Road Vue Cinema. 13:50 screening. If there’s one thing I love more than going to the cinema in the afternoon, it’s going to a cinema I’ve never been to before. It was aight. Smelt incredible though, had that real cinema popcorn and coke aroma. Star City is probs the best smelling cinema foyer.
The smell of a cinema foyer is an indescribable entity (unless you say “smells like popcorn” because that’s quite accurate). I always feel the desire, nay, the instinctive necessity of lingering in it longer than needed. I want to walk in and stand in the doorway gawping around. Then move slowly to refreshments stand (always hated that term) and mull over whether I am going to spend £7 on popcorn before deciding that indeed yes I am going to spend £7 on popcorn. Join the waddling cue of hoodies and moms and watch as a stiff paper bag is used as a scoop for my popcorn. I shall be eating straight from that beautiful scoop. Salted, salted, always salted. Then ideally mom will pay but tbf I can’t always get her to take the 2 hour train ride to pay for my snacks so I’ll cough up, so to speak. All this while basking in that hot and heady scent of cinema, ‘the pictures’.
I have now finished my coffee and biscuits so it’s probably time to talk about this film.
Crimes of the Future (COTF). David Cronenberg’s latest. Of his work I have only seen Crash and I loved it so in that respect I knew what to expect, but I deliberately knew nothing of the film’s plot. Here’s the headlines; I loved it and it’s disgusting.
This film has a truckload of themes crammed into itself, but it doesn’t come across as confused or busy. Cronenberg envelops them into his own world so well, and with such nuance that they sink into it. Human’s relationship with modern technology, oversexualisiation causing the need for more extreme sexual fetish, our obsession with celebrities, our need to document events with footage, and more…
What I love about his style is that the 80’s sci-fi horror aesthetic is still alive and well. Even just that there was an opening credits sequence was a satisfying throwback. And take for instance those wobbly bone chairs, technically they look terrible, they were like ergonomic office chairs with all the screws loose. Just Viggo Mortensen wobbling himself to make them move. But now, in an age where you can make anything look real and convincing on screen (hiya Marvel movies) it’s such a statement to go with quite naff practical effects. And it worked for me, I felt I could settle into Cronenberg’s silly fantasy nightmare world more immersively than otherwise.
Quick word on audio. Howard Shore’s score is superb. You’re not in bloody Mordor anymore mate. Full clockwork orange vibes, synthetic orchestras. Digital Baroque. They needle dropped the hell out of the opening theme and I loved it, literally bashed out that killer chord progression about 18 times and never tired of it. Gonna listen to that while I’m driving and pretend I’m Anthony Montana. Sound design, when used properly, can be even more grotesque than the visuals, and this is one of those cases. Every time Tenser, the lead character, rattles his throat around I thought I was gonna be sick into my Maltesers. It really is that good.
I kept being reminded of Mulholland Drive while I was watching. Besides both films being very weird and made by someone called David, they share the same sense of episodes being cut short. As Mulholland Drive was intended to be a series that eventually fell through, it’s left with storylines sort of dangling (I’m not dissing it, it’s my favourite film), and that’s how COTF feels. When it finished I felt disappointed. That’s it? We aren’t going to follow all these unfinished things? But the disappointment was short lived and I actually got a kick-arse high off it (yeah I know weird). That refusal to follow every thread to its end was enlightening. Why the hell should every film maker deliver the whole thing? Think about it for yourself mate! Its tantalising is what it is. I left the cinema feeling juiced up and suddenly everyones face looked like it belong in a Cronenberg film and the music they were playing in shops seemed sinister. If you leave a cinema feeling like that, like you’re now part of the world you’ve just watched then you’ve watched a master, my friend. I couldn’t stop thinking about it on the way home and felt that most sought after feeling growing in my stomach; the love of a film.
Also I’ve only just discovered that Cronenberg actually made a film called Crimes of the Future in 1970 and yet the two films are completely unrelated. HOW COOL IS THAT. People just don’t do this stuff anymore, and that is why I love it and it’s the point I’ll leave off with. It’s not that it's edgy or pastiche or sensationalist or provocative, its the undiluted style of an artist. That’s all I want. He’s kept the spirit of repulsive 80’s sci fi horror alive for us. New old films.
People just don’t do this stuff anymore.
