2021's cinematic smack-a-thon.
Now this really BUSTED SOME BLOCKS. Geddit?
No but seriously, Messrs Zilla & Kong, one of you is responsible for damages because the place is completely effed and the city council is woefully underfunded as it is. If you want to have a scrap can you do it after school in a massive car park rather than where we all have to work. Well you’ll both be hearing from my solicitor, see you in Strasbourg.
THIS IS WHAT CINEMA WAS MADE FOR
I mean even the title is seriously satisfying to say, and try saying it at standard volume...you can't can you! GODZILLA VS KONG ITS A CAPS LOCK TITLE.
This was somewhat momentous for me. It was my first time setting foot in the legendary Star City for most likely a decade. For all you non-midlanders, Star City is where every child goes for their birthday between the ages of 7-14 in the east Birmingham area so yeah, KIND OF A BIG DEAL. Its got everything; big cinema, pizza hut, fun station arcade, laser quest (now defunct, RIP) bowling alley with one of those photo booths that makes it look like a pencil drawing of you. Just wow. Also I went on my own today but don’t worry ITS FINE.
I sat and waited for kick off empty handed, musing on the fact that the popcorn is more expensive than the ticket price. Unfortunately my pockets weren’t deep enough to sneak in a grab bag of m&m’s.
As James mused (this is an example of using the third person, an effective writing tool) he began to consider himself a true film buff. He had paid actual money to come and see a film he knew he wouldn’t even like just for the sake of cinema. He confidently considers this as his new status and no one has questioned it yet because he hasn’t told anyone but that still means its undisputed SO THERE.
OK I say I knew I wouldn’t like it but thats not actually true (sorry yeah back in first person now btw). I pretended I didn’t want to see it because I was ashamed of the fact that a film about a giant lizardysaur and a big fat monke is still a genuinely exciting prospect for me. Guess i’ll never be truly endorsed by the BFI now. I’d love to say that I enjoyed this ironically, but I had a smile on my face all the way through the entirety. And that’s love, baby.
I knew exactly what I was getting myself into. I want to watch a giant monkey thump a lizard, please. After two Oscar winners back to back I need a palate cleanser. There was a bit where we got a close-up of Godzilla smiling (no seriously) and it really reminded me of this cute old guy that used to come into my work. From then on big Zills had some serious heavy lifting to do to come across as a badass again. But to be fair to him, he did manage it.
Found myself loling though whenever Kong landed a right hook on Godzilla’s gob. Clobber! That reptile can seriously chow on kuckle sarnies.
LOUD.
Anyway, 2 hours, several Neon Genesis references and a handful genuinely good shots later, I’m a happy chappy. This is muscle cinema and I love it. It flexes off any grander meaning beyond big animals hitting each other, and don’t it feel great. The sound design was brilliant with regards to Kong’s growly sounds but also hilarious with regards to Zilla’s crunchy crunchy sounds. Reminded me of on Planet Earth when a frog eats a cricket. Also there’s a couple of song choices in this that are pure genius, like they don’t fit at all. At all.
I know exactly what Scorsese is banging on about with his ‘theme park cinema’ worries. This is exactly that and I wish I didn’t love it but I do. I am an 8 year old boy at heart and that aint ever gon’ change, Mart.
Its been so long since I saw self-indulgent cinematic trash like this. So OTT and excellent. Highly recommend. V funny. Give me kitsch. Give me colour.
I’m painfully aware of the fact that I’ve given this the same rating on Letterboxd as I gave to Nomadland but the heart wants what the heart wants. Over and out.
p.s still worried if that joke at the top landed…